Finding Peace Accidentally Changed My World – From the Inside Out.
The beginning of the end started over a year before I left.
The Founder had already been gone for a few years, and the new CEO was slowly increasing his control through management lines below him. Long-serving executives got moved around, demoted. Policies got corrected. And generally, things were making less and less sense.
I d moved off internal correction (fixing people by talking to them and helping them apply the relevant policy to their situation) as it wasn t working any more. I could only fix people for shorter and shorter periods of time before they wound up before me again as broke (or were moved to another job entirely.)
As we were allowed some time off every year, I tried to visit family on those occasions, to the farm I grew up on.
One nice vacation day in summer, humid and hot, the two family dogs and I were out for a walk. Pausing in the shade of a several-hundred-year-old massive oak, it hit me.
All mental noise dropped away.
I was left with a feeling of peace, quiet, sublime calm.
The birds were singing, the wind wafting through the leaves and branches.
Everything else was gone.
Quiet.
I was at peace. And I didn t know how I had gotten there.
But I enjoyed it thoroughly while it lasted. I don t know how long it lasted as time seemed to stand still.
At last, the first thought that came was: What is this, how did it happen, and how can I make it happen again?
But there was no answer.
So I looked over what I had done that day, what I had eaten, how I had slept.
Still no answer.
Yet I recognized that this was a high personal state that the Syndicate s teachings didn t cover. This was what they should be helping people achieve, but instead had them on a constantly shifting route which lead them all onto their next paid service.
Obviously, once you achieved this, you wouldn t need anything the Syndicate was offering after that. Provided you could re-experience it at will.
Later that day, and days after that, I found that I could re-enter that state and not have to be near that particular tree at all.
When I returned to L.A. I brought that peace with me. Standing in a 6th floor room overlooking the noisy, crowded, air-polluted city: it was there again. And I could mostly keep it going for as long as I wanted.
Nothing in what I had been taught, nothing of what I had studied, nothing in all that I had used to help fix people – none of these were actually designed to achieve this state.
And yet, there I was, able to re-experience this rare state at will. This ability had nothing to do with all I had been through in that Syndicate. That peace wasn t trained in, or enabled through their expensive counseling.
Peace was the tipping point.
I d already been reviewing and re-studying the Syndicate policy, all the data I had trained on and used. I was testing all of this to work out if and why it needed fixing. All that data was supposed to be perfect, but the more I looked, the more it turned out flawed.
Finding that tipping point took me over the edge.
It took me another year to get myself extracted according to their rules. That itself was a test of their policies. And it turned out that no one there could do a damned thing about my situation. I had fallen into a very wide crack in their foundation which no one had a solution for.
Yes, there were solutions in that policy, but they weren t being applied.
Because people were afraid. Fear was motivating people more far than their expressed-as-policy purpose of helping others improve themselves. They couldn t help because they were afraid for their own positions in the Syndicate.
I wasn t afraid of anything. I had found peace.
I still didn t understand how I had gotten to this state, or how to help anyone else achieve it. I did understand that staying there was interfering with my own research into resolving those two questions.
So I planned, and left.
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